Dear diary,

The capacity to think lies not only with the brain, but also with the heart. I'm losing the judgment to maintain the fine balance between the two, the mastery of emotions and rational thought.

I'm a lot more complicated than I thought I was, and it never ceases to frighten me how little of myself I understand and am able to control. Or am I controlling myself too much? To always use rationality as a defense against my feelings. Have I forgotten how to feel or to love? And now it's cracking at the seams, this wall of weary rationality in danger of giving way.

I think too much? I think too little? When should I think? When should I let go? Am I thinking right? Am I thinking wrong? If I'm not even sure of these, should I even bother contemplating any of it?

It's amazing how the simple little things I wish for in life can be so difficult to comprehend and obtain.

99% happiness and 1% sorrow. That's me. But when the 1% hits, it hits hard. Statistics never really was my forte.

I need a hug.