Dear diary,
Dreary. Dreary, dreary, dreary. Life's so uninteresting it's almost a sin to blog an entry. Still, I find it necessary to update my blog now and then, which meant any slight deviations from my clockwork lifestyle would now be screaming headlines for that day's particular entry.
Today, I had diarrhoea. As in DIARRHOEA. And that's an understatement.
I was out with the gang, just sitting quietly in Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, being the perfectly inhibited societal-conforming citizen, sipping my mid-noon tea, when it hit me without any premonitions. Pow. Just like that. Kinda like a Chris Rock one-liner.
The feeling is unbelievable. Picture: whirling dervish troupe high on weed. It's one hell of a bowellecular roller-coaster ride I can tell you that. And as with such activities done with immoderacy, I "upchucked" no less than 4 times in the simply exceptional public toilets. The aroma, the ubiquitous puddles of questionable origin, the creaky lilliputian toilet seat designed for minimal support; they add a whole new dimension to the entire latrinal experience.
And then there's the quintessential sandpaper line of toilet paper that most public toilets utilize. It made what was initially an internal problem branch out into a secondary external source of discomfort. I can so imagine seeing a minute disclaimer on the jumbo pack - Caution: Excessive usage might cause a slight burning sensation. Seek medical attention if problem persists.
The day was hot. I mean it was really hot. No joke. Someone tuned the Sun to "extra crispy" setting today. You could literally smell the heat, snarling up your nasal passage and singeing your nose hairs.
Well that wasn't quite the literary approach, but you get the idea.
Anyhow, the heat of my surroundings normally wouldn't be associated to a post on diarrhoea, but when you consider the fact that diarrhoea dehydrates you severely(more so in this particular incident), you can be assured there really is an interesting relationship going on between the two.
My lips started chapping, I broke out in cold sweat, and my knees felt like rubber. Funnily, I never thought of consuming more fluids, probably out of fear of the brainless notion that I'd be feeding the diarrhoea and replenishing its depleting ammunition. So I stayed adamantly chap-lipped, feeling cold and stringy. Sq the human noodle. Locked in an escalating battle to stay in control of his bodily functions. Prolly near matyrdom.
With the predictability of B-grade Hollywood plots, the hero never dies, and I managed home broken but victorious. Another day down for the count, another day survived in the pestilent jungles of geekdom.
Dreary. Dreary, dreary, dreary. Life's so uninteresting it's almost a sin to blog an entry. Still, I find it necessary to update my blog now and then, which meant any slight deviations from my clockwork lifestyle would now be screaming headlines for that day's particular entry.
Today, I had diarrhoea. As in DIARRHOEA. And that's an understatement.
I was out with the gang, just sitting quietly in Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, being the perfectly inhibited societal-conforming citizen, sipping my mid-noon tea, when it hit me without any premonitions. Pow. Just like that. Kinda like a Chris Rock one-liner.
The feeling is unbelievable. Picture: whirling dervish troupe high on weed. It's one hell of a bowellecular roller-coaster ride I can tell you that. And as with such activities done with immoderacy, I "upchucked" no less than 4 times in the simply exceptional public toilets. The aroma, the ubiquitous puddles of questionable origin, the creaky lilliputian toilet seat designed for minimal support; they add a whole new dimension to the entire latrinal experience.
And then there's the quintessential sandpaper line of toilet paper that most public toilets utilize. It made what was initially an internal problem branch out into a secondary external source of discomfort. I can so imagine seeing a minute disclaimer on the jumbo pack - Caution: Excessive usage might cause a slight burning sensation. Seek medical attention if problem persists.
The day was hot. I mean it was really hot. No joke. Someone tuned the Sun to "extra crispy" setting today. You could literally smell the heat, snarling up your nasal passage and singeing your nose hairs.
Well that wasn't quite the literary approach, but you get the idea.
Anyhow, the heat of my surroundings normally wouldn't be associated to a post on diarrhoea, but when you consider the fact that diarrhoea dehydrates you severely(more so in this particular incident), you can be assured there really is an interesting relationship going on between the two.
My lips started chapping, I broke out in cold sweat, and my knees felt like rubber. Funnily, I never thought of consuming more fluids, probably out of fear of the brainless notion that I'd be feeding the diarrhoea and replenishing its depleting ammunition. So I stayed adamantly chap-lipped, feeling cold and stringy. Sq the human noodle. Locked in an escalating battle to stay in control of his bodily functions. Prolly near matyrdom.
With the predictability of B-grade Hollywood plots, the hero never dies, and I managed home broken but victorious. Another day down for the count, another day survived in the pestilent jungles of geekdom.
posted by sq @ 10:35 PM
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