Dear diary,
You know how things seem so easy when you're just thinking about it and not actually doing it? Ok that's very -duh-, but I've never felt it more strongly than the recent weeks ensuing the start of my varsity life. It wasn't about the idea of schooling after a 3 year break, it wasn't about the transition from clueless teenager to clueless militia to equally clueless freshman. It wasn't even about the lack of pretty girls in my classes(if there were any to speak of in the first place). No, it's about me, Xie Shangqian, learning to learn. After 21 years of a subsistential mental existence, I am finally beginning to appreciate the nuances of education; the indescribable agony of being waylaid by a tough question, the sheer joy of understanding a seeming complexity, and the fulfilment of thinking that you're actually doing something important in life. Well, almost.
I'm stressed. I don't know how much to work. Somehow I believe I should spend every single waking minute balancing financial statements, calculating the covariance of the frequency of my shock therapies to the number of hours I spend in school, helping Iranian kids get an education because their friggin' government is swimming up to their ears in oil money and wedge in a life somewhere in that equation.
Bah. Enough about schoolwork. I'm getting tired of my blog layout. My hemispherical right brain has been egging me on.
Go... Do your own layout... You can do better than this...
Come to think of it, I hadn't been exercising my creativity in a while. When was the last time I indulged in something crazy, sidestepped life, exhorted someone, caroused the night? Oh wait, just last week.
I want to create! I want to marr the pages of history with a grotesque abomination of my mind, to lay a stinky footprint in the infinitesimal fabric of time. Yet it eludes me, time and again, this spark of brilliance, an epiphany of epiphanies! Ah, the glorious triumph, the filling of my empty vessel of worth! The generous peppering of exclaimation marks must surely underscore my steely intent and determination!
But first, let me take a break. Whew, unrestraint fervour's pretty draining.
You know how things seem so easy when you're just thinking about it and not actually doing it? Ok that's very -duh-, but I've never felt it more strongly than the recent weeks ensuing the start of my varsity life. It wasn't about the idea of schooling after a 3 year break, it wasn't about the transition from clueless teenager to clueless militia to equally clueless freshman. It wasn't even about the lack of pretty girls in my classes(if there were any to speak of in the first place). No, it's about me, Xie Shangqian, learning to learn. After 21 years of a subsistential mental existence, I am finally beginning to appreciate the nuances of education; the indescribable agony of being waylaid by a tough question, the sheer joy of understanding a seeming complexity, and the fulfilment of thinking that you're actually doing something important in life. Well, almost.
I'm stressed. I don't know how much to work. Somehow I believe I should spend every single waking minute balancing financial statements, calculating the covariance of the frequency of my shock therapies to the number of hours I spend in school, helping Iranian kids get an education because their friggin' government is swimming up to their ears in oil money and wedge in a life somewhere in that equation.
Bah. Enough about schoolwork. I'm getting tired of my blog layout. My hemispherical right brain has been egging me on.
Go... Do your own layout... You can do better than this...
Come to think of it, I hadn't been exercising my creativity in a while. When was the last time I indulged in something crazy, sidestepped life, exhorted someone, caroused the night? Oh wait, just last week.
I want to create! I want to marr the pages of history with a grotesque abomination of my mind, to lay a stinky footprint in the infinitesimal fabric of time. Yet it eludes me, time and again, this spark of brilliance, an epiphany of epiphanies! Ah, the glorious triumph, the filling of my empty vessel of worth! The generous peppering of exclaimation marks must surely underscore my steely intent and determination!
But first, let me take a break. Whew, unrestraint fervour's pretty draining.
posted by sq @ 12:20 AM
1 comments
